Shinobi life in the Naruto universe is filled with moments of sadness. Death, destruction, and loss are constant companions in a ninja’s life. Most members of the Hidden Villages have to accept these things as natural parts of their life.
As such, moments that celebrate new life or happy unions are as well attended as Hidden Village funerals. In accordance with tradition, the selection of the best man is an important step in the wedding process. However, some of Konohagakure’s men would make better choices than others.
10/10 Jiraiya Would Host The Wildest Bachelor Party The Group Had Ever Seen
Jiraiya is Konohagakure’s Toad Sage whose jutsu prowess made him a Legendary Sannin. Outside his shinobi work, Jiraiya writes novels to supplement his income. He conducts literary research around the Five Great Nations, frequently visiting bathhouses in attempts to gain inspiration.
Jiraiya’s “research” gives him intimate knowledge of where to host the wildest bachelor parties for any groom-to-be. His experience translates into the groom knowing the best bathhouses, bars, and clubs in the nation. So long as he hadn’t been kicked out already, Jiraiya would no doubt rustle up a gaggle of girls to attend the party and find matches for all the groomsmen.
9/10 Everyone Would Enjoy Themselves Under Shisui’s Kotoamatsukami
Shisui is a member of the Uchiha clan and one of Konohagakure’s strongest shinobi. His Mangekyo Sharingan ability, the Kotoamatsukami, allows him to cast a genjutsu over anyone without their knowledge. Shisui cares deeply for his friends and willingly uses his ability to help them.
Shisui’s Kotoamatsukami could convince the entire wedding party that they were having a good time, even if they weren’t. No one would complain if there was inclement weather, the food tasted bad, or the speeches were long and boring. As the best man, Shisui would help create the best wedding in history and give the bride and groom a wedding they’d never forget.
8/10 Asuma Would Sacrifice Anything To Ensure The Groom’s Happiness
Asuma Sarutobi is a Konohagakure jonin and the leader of Team 6. He’s a proficient Wind Release user and utilizes chakra blades in all his ninjutsu attacks. Asuma is incredibly strong-willed and resilient, refusing to expose his friends to danger if there’s a chance he could help them.
Any groom lucky enough to have Asuma as his best man could expect a friend with a serious commitment to keeping people happy. Asuma’s positivity could turn the tide of any precarious wedding situation while his logic would assist in any problem-solving necessary up to the wedding day. He’d also help calm the groom in the moments before the wedding, distracting him with a cigarette or an engaging game of shogi.
7/10 No Detail Would Be Unaccounted For By Best Man Shikamaru
Shikamaru is a member of Team 6 and one of the Hokage’s advisors; he’s also a key component to Konoha’s Ino-Shika-Cho combination ninjutsu. With an IQ over 200, Shikamaru is regarded as Konohagakure’s most intelligent shinobi to date.
Shikamaru’s superior intelligence would result in any wedding being carefully planned to the last detail. He wouldn’t waste any time creating a full-scale itinerary the day he was asked to be best man: mostly so the majority of the time leading to the wedding could be spent goofing off. As Shikamaru typically finds hard work to be a drag, he’d spent most of his time as the best man playing games, eating good food, and relaxing knowing that all the hard work was already done.
Choji is the leader of the Akamichi clan and a member of Team 6. He is one of Konohagakure’s kindest shinobi and is deeply loyal to his best friend, Shikamaru. Choji has an intense love of food and regularly frequents all of Konoha’s best restaurant; he takes “all-you-can-eat” as a challenge and regularly wins.
As a best man, Choji would use his culinary intelligence to help curate an amazing wedding menu. The food would be the talk of the town while the rehearsal dinner would be hosted at Konoha’s best restaurant. There’d be more than enough to eat and Choji would ensure no leftovers went to waste.
5/10 Killer Bee Could Open The Doors To Kumogakure As A Honeymoon Destination
Killer Bee is a Kumogakure ninja and the jinchuriki of the Eight-Tails. After Ay ordered his confinement to Kumogakure, Bee developed an intimate knowledge of the village and a love of freestyle rapping. Bee takes great pleasure in entertaining his friends by creating original verses.
Killer Bee’s relationship to Ay, Sumogakure’s Raikage, affords Bee increased influence in the hidden village. As such, he would no doubt open it as a venue or honeymoon destination to anyone who named Bee their best man. He’d also provide his services as a DJ free of charge, so long as he was permitted to perform an original rap following the ceremony.
4/10 The Groom Would Be Constantly Entertained By Kakashi’s 1,000 Tricks
Kakashi Hatake is Konohagakure’s Copy Ninja and its Sixth Hokage. After receiving training from Minato Namikaze, Konoha’s Fourth Hokage, Kakashi mentored Minato’s son Naruto following his appointment as Team 7’s leader. Kakshi enjoys reading books like the Icha Icha series, developing new jutsu, and regularly shows up late to his appointments.
Despite his tardiness, Kakashi remains seriously committed to his friends. Any groom could expect best-man Kakashi to have some wise words or interesting stories to keep him entertained during doubtful moments. Kakashi could also keep the boys entertained at the bachelor party by performing one of his 1,000 jutsu party tricks.
3/10 Konohamaru Would Happily Stand In For Any Groom Activities
Konohamaru is Naruto Uzumaki’s student and the Third Hokage’s grandson. He enjoys exploring Konohagakura alongside his teammates, Moegi and Udon, and shares his uncle Asuma’s determination in protecting them. As the heir to the Sarutobis, Konohamaru also dreams of one day becoming Hokage.
Konohamaru’s knowledge of the clone and transformation jutsus make him an easy stand-in for the groom while acting as the best man. He could go to the courthouse, disguised, to obtain his friend’s marriage license, or attend any pre-wedding planning events as the groom to afford him some rest. He’s also a backup for the worst-case scenario: should the groom fall ill on the wedding day, Konohamaru could stand in to keep the crowd and wife-to-be happy without anyone ever knowing otherwise.
2/10 Neji Would Seriously Consider The Groom’s Needs Before Acting
Neji Hyuga is a member of the Hyuga clan’s branch family and Hinata Hyuga’s cousin. He’s also a member of Team 9, training alongside his teammates Rock Lee and Tenten. Neji is a prodigy of the Gentle Fist style and one of the Hyuga’s most promising shinobi.
Neji’s prodigious fighting ability is matched only by his intelligence and serious nature. He would no doubt bring that same level of duty to his role as the best man: ensuring the groom receive everything he needed long before he even realized he needed it. Neji’s critical assessment of the situation would come in handy in anticipating potential negative outcomes, effectively negating bad weather or poor planning before it ever becomes an issue.
1/10 Naruto Would Build The Groom’s Confidence And Go To Great Lengths To Help Them
Naruto Uzumaki is a member of Team 7 and serves as Konoha’s Nine-Tails jinchuriki. After being ostracized most of his life due to his dangerous Tailed-Beast transformations, Naruto was hailed as Konoha’s hero following his successes during the Fourth Ninja War. He later became Konoha’s Seventh Hokage and was regarded as its best and strongest leader.
Naruto would be the perfect candidate for anyone who wanted his best man to also serve as his best friend. Naruto would go to any lengths to ensure his friends’ special day lived up to their highest standard, traveling any distance to make their wedding perfect. His famous talk-no-jutsu would also result in one of the best, most heartfelt wedding speeches ever heard by the crowd.
