Best Man Drops Out After Couple Excludes His Wife Due to Disability

By: Elizabeth Ervin
| Published:
March 2, 2023

Recently a man, who we’ll call Perry, dropped out of his brother’s wedding party as the best man. The wedding had an age limit of twelve and up to avoid dealing with toddlers.

However, many guests have younger kids, so the brother and his bride had a nearby venue with a professional sitter for parents to drop off their kids.

Perry explained his wife has injuries making her slow to respond and understand what others are saying. She needs help with cutting up her food sometimes. But it doesn’t mean she’s not an intelligent and capable woman.

The Rehearsal Dinner

At the rehearsal dinner, Perry’s sister-in-law pulled him aside, suggesting she needed to discuss something with him. First, she asked if they had. been told about the additional venue they’d be having for their wedding.

Perry said yes, then she asked if his wife had any particular food preferences because they would order extra food for her there. It confused him, as they’d already chosen their meals. Finally, however, she insisted that his wife would be better served at the second venue.

Perry confessed to “sort of staring at her for a bit” before asking if she seriously expected his wife to be with the babysitter and all the kids. She suggested it wasn’t like that, they were looking out for her, and that way, he wouldn’t have to “feed her or anything” and could “have fun at the wedding.”

Then, Perry’s brother approached him, and Perry expressed his disgust that they would treat his wife as a child who needed a sitter. However, his brother alleged it was for the best and that if Perry wanted, he could always “go over and check on her.”

Perry told his brother if that were the way they’d treat his wife, he had no desire to be part of their wedding and dropped out as best man. So “all hell broke loose,” with many agreeing with Perry about the absurdity. In contrast, many didn’t agree; and suggested Perry needed to set his ego aside and come anyways.

However, Perry refused. After the wedding, his brother texted, “I expected better from you.” To which he replied that he expected much better from him. Finally, his sister-in-law sent a novel text accusing him of intentionally ruining her special day.

Perry asked the internet for their input. Here is how they responded.

One Person Said

“The ableism and infantilizing of your wife from your sister-in-law and brother is disgusting and beyond deplorable behavior.” Another added, “And then his sister-in-law and brother dared to try to make THEMSELVES out to be the victims in this. It’s vile.”

Another Was Speechless, But Noted

“If your brother doesn’t understand why your wife always comes first, he should not have been getting married. As a couple, you modeled marriage to them.”

Finally, Many Agreed That They Knew

“The brother and SIL waited until the day before the wedding to admit they weren’t planning on your wife being there? No meal, table assignment at the reception, favor, not counted into the open bar, etc.?

It sounds like they knew exactly how insulting it was but waited until the last minute to spring it on you so that you would feel trapped and go along with it. If they had addressed it months ago, some sense could have been talked into them.

They messed around with an actual committed marriage and found out. It’s too bad you couldn’t still give the best man speech because it sounds like they could learn much about unconditional love and commitment from you.

I’m concerned about your parents, too. But what does this mean for future family events? Do they expect you to “kid table” your wife at every significant holiday where your brother and SIL are in attendance?”

What do you think? Did this Redditor have a valid reason to refuse to be the best man at his brother’s wedding?


This article was inspired by the internet and does not necessarily reflect the views of The Budget Savvy Bride.

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