A bride-to-be has been backed online for refusing to let her polyamorous parents bring their 30-year-old lover to her wedding.
In a Reddit post upvoted 9,200 times, the soon-to-be-married woman, writing as Zealousideal-Pin5826, said she even warned them security would “call the cops if needed” to ensure he stayed away.
It was a response that sparked an angry reaction from her parents, yet many online felt the woman was well within her rights to deny him entry.
Stock image of an upset bride on her wedding day. A bride-to-be has banned her parents’ throuple partner from her nuptials.
The idea of polyamory, a type of relationship involving multiple consenting romantic and sexual partners, might be alien to some, but research suggests a significant proportion of the U.S. adult population is open to the idea.
A study published in Frontiers in Psychology in 2021 found one in nine Americans have been in a polyamorous relationship, and one in six would like to try one.
The bride in the viral Reddit post was keen to stress she has no issue with the idea itself. “I have no objections to polygamous relationships in general,” she said. “I would prefer not to have to deal with that at my wedding.”
According to the post, the bride-to-be was raised by her maternal grandparents as her mom and dad “didn’t want to settle down and raise a child.”
The parents preferred to live as “free spirits” and initially visited every couple of months. These visits eventually stopped, and the woman was left to be raised by her grandparents.
Asking for a ‘Plus One’
Fast-forward to the present day and while the woman remained in contact enough to invite her parents to her wedding “as guests,” she was dismayed when her dad told her he wanted a “plus one on their invitation.”
“I have not seen him in years so I thought maybe they had another kid and hadn’t mentioned it,” she said. “Nope. Apparently him and my mother have a man in his 30s that is a part of their relationship.”
She refused this request though, reminding him the invite was a “courtesy” and they had no “parental privileges” in deciding who should attend.
He branded her “mean” and “prejudiced” as they had hoped to introduce their partner to the rest of the family at the event. But the woman refused to back down, instead revealing she had spoken to her wedding coordinator and plans were put in place to prevent uninvited guests from coming.
“I also spoke with the manager [of the venue] and explained that I might have uninvited guests trying to get into my wedding reception,” she said. “He said that security would escort anyone like that off the property and call the cops if needed.”
The decision has drawn an angry response from her mom and dad who have been “complaining to everyone” about her actions.
Wedding Guest Lists
Former wedding planner-turned-blogger Jean Neuhart told Newsweek the couple were entirely justified in blocking his attendance.
“There was a time, particularly when the parents of the bride were the sole funding source and hosts of the wedding, [when] many guests were contemporaries and friends of the parents, rather than the couple,” she said.
“These days that is no longer the case. With more couples paying for and hosting their own weddings, or even if the parents are financially contributing, it is understood that the wedding is the couple’s event and that their wishes take precedent.”
Neuhart felt this was especially true with the bride-to-be and her estranged parents. “It appears that the parents’ polyamorous partner is someone who was recently unknown to the bride. He has no relationship with the bride nor has he been involved in her life,” she said. “That, added to the fact that she has been estranged from her parents, there should be no expectation that he be invited to the wedding, and her and her groom’s wishes should be adhered to.”
The wedding blogger added: “The bride and her husband-to-be’s wedding is not the place for her parents to introduce their partner to other family members. This isn’t being mean-spirited nor prejudiced. There is a time and place for everything. Rarely is that place at someone’s wedding.”
Those sentiments were echoed on social media, with Reddit users backing the bride’s decision. “This doesn’t sound like it’s about a prejudice about polyamory so much as it’s about not wanting some random stranger at your wedding,” one user wrote. “They’re lucky they’re getting an invite at all.”
A second said: “Just save the hassle and uninvite them. They’re not parents. They’re not friends. They’re not respectful of you or your plans for your wedding.” A third added: “It sounds like your parents are trying to upstage your wedding; that’s crass all by itself, and a legitimate reason for you to decide you don’t want them there.”
Newsweek contacted Zealousideal-Pin5826 for comment but could not confirm the details of the case.