Bride’s Brother Falls in Love With the Groom; Refuses To Be In Bridal Party

By: Elizabeth Ervin
| Published:
February 26, 2023

Weddings are supposed to be a joyous celebration of love, commitment, and unity. But what happens when a close relative opts out of being a part of the bridal party?

In this scenario, a man has refused to be a part of his sister’s wedding party, causing a rift in their relationship. So, was his decision to decline the invitation justified, or are deeper issues at play?

Falling In Love

A 26-year-old man, who we’ll call Derek, found himself in an unusual and challenging situation when he fell in love with his sister’s partner. The problem began about a year ago when Derek’s sister had to travel for work, and her partner got into a severe car accident, leaving him in need of assistance.

Derek worked from home as a freelancer and agreed to care for his sister’s partner during his recovery. Over time, the two developed a strong bond. However, eventually, he had to pull away and distance himself from the situation.

A few weeks later, Derek’s sister’s partner reached out to him, confused by his sudden change in behavior. So Derek came clean about his feelings, and they agreed to limit their time together.

Their Engagement

Eventually, his sister and her partner got engaged, and Derek was asked to be part of the wedding party. Despite feeling grateful for the offer, he declined, feeling that it was too much. The sister is now furious with him and demands an explanation, which he has refused.

Derek is now considering meeting up with the sister’s partner to see how he feels about telling her the truth. He is aware of his choices’ impact on two people he cares about and wants to handle the situation with care.

He also clarified in the comments that her partner has feelings for him but doesn’t want to hurt her with something he can’t explain. Finally, Derek asked the internet if they thought he was the bad guy in the problem, and this is how they responded.

Emotional Affair

One person suggested that Derek and his sister’s partners are jerks for having an emotional affair together. They believed they should come clean about their feelings with the sister and allow whatever was meant to happen.

Florence Nightingale Syndrome

Another suggested, “So here’s the thing. Florence Nightingale Syndrome is where someone giving care falls in love with their patient. Transference is also where a patient falls in love with their caregiver.

They’re all feelings based on the fact that aspects of caring for a person or being cared for in a medical situation are, by nature, incredibly intimate. I’m not saying both of your feelings boil down to simply this, but it sounds like the classic presentation of both. It’s a trope for a reason.

You talked about it like adults, were honest, and you both decided to walk away. You can’t help what you feel, but you can help what you do, and you’re doing the things socially considered correct. All that said, if you have a therapist, talk to them about this. They’ll be able to help you cope.”

Acting Like a Lovestruck 13-Year-Old

Someone thought Derek was a jerk for the “unbelievable betrayal to your sister. You’re a grown man acting like a lovestruck 13-year-old who can’t control themselves. You never should have spoken to her fiance in the first place and created this godforsaken mess.”

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They Need To Tell Her

Finally, someone volunteered, “Her fiancé has feelings for you. It’s not fair for your sister to live a lie with someone who does not love her. The best thing you can do if you truly love her is to come clean about everything.”

What do you think about the situation in this thread? Should they come clean to the sister about their mutual feelings, or should they let it be?


This article was inspired by the internet and does not necessarily reflect the views of The Budget Savvy Bride.

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