A woman allowing her father to “make a huge scene” at her engagement party—and embarrassing her soon-to-be mother-in-law—is being backed by Reddit users.
Sharing her dramatic tale with the Am I the A******? (AITA) subreddit, user u/Proud_Raspberry4525 explained that her father struggles with alcoholism.
His past behavior has strained their relationship, with the poster keeping their interactions private.
“I still love him and I have developed a system to keep him from f****** me over,” she said.
“When my fiance asked me to marry him I said yes, and then I went and privately told my dad about it.
“We had a nice dinner with my fiance and that was that.”
A file photo of a drunk man passed out on the floor after drinking beer. The poster’s father wet himself and threw up, humiliating her future mother-in-law.WinnieVinzence/iStock/Getty Images Plus
Her fiancé’s mother decided to throw the couple an engagement party. Proud_Raspberry4525 was fine with this, as long as her father wasn’t in attendance.
“I explained that we had a strained relationship and that I preferred to keep him at a distance. She agreed,” the poster wrote.
However, her future mother-in-law felt that she “knew better,” and invited her father anyway.
“She wanted to ‘fix’ our relationship and the first step was inviting him to her home for a party,” she said.
“When I met my dad for dinner I specifically chose a restaurant that didn’t have a liquor license. And we went right after work. His car has a breathalyzer built in to make it start. I know what would happen otherwise.”
When the poster saw her father there, her “stomach flipped.” The mother-in-law justified the invite by saying “a good daughter would want her dad there on this important day.”
A bored woman sitting on a sofa at a party, with a man on either side of her. The poster was fine with her future mother-in-law throwing her an engagement party, until her father arrived. SeventyFour/iStock/Getty Images Plus
Proud_Raspberry4525 wanted to ask him to leave, but the mother-in-law called her “rude.”
“I told my fiance that I might need to leave in a hurry and he had to come with me when I left,” she said. “He knows the whole story. He agreed.”
Her father promised to behave, but it didn’t last long. He got drunk and aggressive, with the Redditor faking a stomach problem and leaving.
“The least embarrassing thing he did was p*** himself and puke on the lawn,” she said.
“My MIL is furious. She said that we should have told her that my father has a drinking problem. I said that it wouldn’t have been a problem if she hadn’t lied to my face about not inviting him.
“I’m just angry that she lied and I’m embarrassed and I’m venting here because I need someone to tell me I’m not the a****** for not wanting to tell people my father is like this.”
Reddit users agreed the mother-in-law was wrong, with the story receiving over 16,000 upvotes and 1,500 comments.
‘A Toxic, Narcissistic Woman’
Marni Goldman, certified life coach, and author of True to Myself, said it’s infuriating when toxic family members—whether by marriage or blood—refuse to respect your boundaries. However, there are ways to handle them.
“It takes work to protect ourselves from anything that can trigger us, possibly spiraling to that dark place that we work so hard to avoid,” she told Newsweek.
“The poster is clearly dealing with a toxic, narcissistic woman, who makes everything about her and has no regard for anybody else and their feelings.”
A file photo of an older woman ignoring her daughter-in-law. Her fiancé’s mom blamed the poster for the scene at the party. JackF/iStock/Getty Images Plus
As well as ignoring her wishes, Goldman said Proud_Raspberry4525 is being “gaslit” by her mother-in-law.
“That woman is evil to the core to say ‘if you were a good daughter,'” she said.
“You gave her a heads up on the strained relationship. It goes to show you, when you do things for the wrong reasons, it can backfire.”
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Goldman urges the Redditor—and adult children who find themselves in similar situations—to not feel ashamed.
“Who cares what people think?” she said.
“Everyone has a story, and without realizing it, you are inadvertently letting people know they are not alone, in anything they might be going through, or have experienced.”
‘Non of Mother-in-Law’s Business’
Fellow Redditors slammed her future mother-in-law’s actions, with AF_AF calling her behavior a “red flag.”
“Going behind OP’s back to invite him is one red flag, being smug about it is a second, then blaming the OP is the third,” he said.
Stabrabit agreed, writing: “It’s my experience that these ‘fixer’ personalities will not hear ‘no,’ and the best option is to just quit the situation.”
A file photo of a depressed older man resting his head on a bar with a drink in front of him. The poster’s father was also embarrassed by his behavior at the event. cagkansayin/iStock/Getty Images Plus
RndmIntrnStranger commented: “I foresee a future where FMIL will believe she knows better than OP and try to have her way every single time.
“I hope [her fiancé] has a shiny backbone to deal with his mom.”
Cant_Handle_This4eva warned: “You and your future husband are going to have to work hard to make clear and transparent boundaries that you consistently enforce with all of your parents.”
JReynolds197 said: “People who were raised in a non-dysfunctional family have no idea just how f***** up things can be.
“They think that reconciliations are easily achieved and can be smiles, rainbows and Hallmark specials.”
While Spiritual_Frosting60 wrote: “The why of your estrangement from your father & reluctance to have him at your engagement party is non of FMIL’s business.
“She thought she was being so clever… Now your engagement party enters the realm of family legend… & not in a good way.”
Newsweek reached out to u/Proud_Raspberry4525 for comment. We couldn’t verify the details of the case.
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