A bride-to-be uninvited a bridesmaid to her wedding after learning she would be wearing black due to her cultural practices.
In her viral post, which received more than 10,000 interactions on Reddit’s “Am I the A**hole,” u/Life-Leader4543 wrote her wedding is set to take place in less than a month and her four bridesmaids were expected to wear royal blue dresses.
One of her bridesmaids, the Redditor’s co-worker, recently lost her grandfather and is observing a 40-day mourning period, which involves wearing black.
“My wedding will be before the 40 days are over and culturally my [co-worker] claims she has to mourn and wear black,” u/Life-Leader4543 wrote in her post. “I asked her if the royal blue dress can be an exception since it’s not necessarily a bright color. She said it will be an issue and she doesn’t want to disrespect her culture and traditions.”
The Redditor wrote that the bridesmaid asked to wear the same dress in black, but the bride told her she is not comfortable with that option because she would “look out of place.”
Although the bridesmaid offered to step down from the wedding party altogether and simply attend as a guest, u/Life-Leader4543 remained uncomfortable with her wearing black and added that there is a dress code against wearing black to her wedding. She also noted, in a response to one of the comments, that she asked that guests not wear red.
“I said that I’m not that comfortable with the idea of her coming to my wedding during her mourning period so it’s best if I uninvite her all together so she can mourn in peace,” the Redditor wrote. “She said I don’t have to uninvite her but simply let her wear black. I insisted it’s for the best for both of us.”
The bride’s friends and sister told her that while she may have meant well, she should not have uninvited the bridesmaid from the wedding.
Though not necessarily in line with the bride’s dress code, The Knot reported that wearing black to a wedding is generally appropriate despite its previous reputation for being a color strictly being associated with mourning.
“However, over the years couples have been more open to breaking the rules and opting for non-traditional, modern wedding dress codes,” said Shawne Jacobs, the president and creative director of Anne Barge.
The piece pointed out there may be some instances to avoid black, including in the event that the couple requests guests to follow a specific theme.
A bride took to Reddit after she uninvited a bridesmaid to her wedding who needed to wear black during her culture’s traditional mourning period. Above, a stock image of a wedding arch.
The Redditor’s post received a mix of comments, with some supporting her choice to uninvite her bridesmaid while others were more critical.
“Plenty of weddings have dress codes when it comes to colors,” one commenter wrote. “If OP doesn’t want anyone wearing black, among other colors, and has already made this clear to everyone invited, it wouldn’t be fair to make an exception for the ex-bridesmaid.”
Some wrote that while it was an unfortunate situation, no one was inherently wrong for their choices.
A few understood the bride for having the bridesmaid step down from the wedding party, but wrote she should have been able to attend as a guest.
“What’s wrong with a guest wearing a black dress?” a commenter asked. “It’s totally acceptable.”
Many disagreed with her decision to uninvite the former bridesmaid.
“Your intentions aren’t good at all, stop lying to yourself,” one wrote. “I guess I can kind of understand not wanting a bridesmaid to wear black, but a guest, when you know the reasons? This is self centered and gross.”
A commenter wrote it was unlikely that u/Life-Leader4543 likely won’t remember who wore what at her wedding in the years ahead.
“She already graciously accepted to be thrown out of the wedding party so you can have ‘aesthetically pleasing’ pictures so why are you still bugging this woman?” the commenter wrote.
One criticized the future bride for not offering sympathy to her friend.
“All I got from your post was, ‘I care more about my pictures than I do about the well-being and inclusion of someone who is supporting me,'” they wrote.