In a viral post on social media, a bridesmaid who discussed the bride’s high school bullying at her wedding shocked the internet.
Published on Reddit’s r/AmITheA**hole forum, a woman under the anonymous username u/Few_Acanthaceae1057 shared her story in order to receive feedback from the “AITA” community.
The original poster (OP) began her story by explaining that she and her friend, “Jana,” have not always been friends. The OP admitted that she isn’t “the best person” as she bullied Jana in high school. She confessed that she teased her because of her good grades and called her a nerd, and says she may have been the catalyst for others to follow suit and make fun of Jana as well.
However, Jana approached the OP privately and asked her to stop. Embarrassed by the confrontation, she stopped and blamed her bullying on insecurity.
Above, someone gives a toast at a wedding. Published on Reddit’s r/AmITheA**hole forum, a bridesmaid shocks the internet by giving a speech during her toast about the bride bullying her in high school.
Digital Vision./Photodisc
It wasn’t until college that Jana and the OP started talking again. When they discovered that their schools were near to each other, they began to frequently hang out, eventually becoming close friends.
The OP recently got married and invited Jana to be a bridesmaid, which she gladly accepted. During the toast portion of the celebration, she discussed how the OP bullied her in high school.
“I can’t believe we’re friends even though you bullied me all throughout high school,” Jana said.
The OP wasn’t sure if Jana was joking, but made it clear that she has apologized to her countless times, and each time, Jana forgave her and told her that she was “overthinking.”
The OP explained, “After the toasts, I was hurt and confused but decided to talk to her later because I wanted to enjoy my wedding. But during the party, my sister/[maid of honor] came up to me worried, saying that there have been a lot of people asking Jana about the bullying and she was detailing every single thing I said.
“I had my sister get Jana and I talked to her privately in the back, asking why she brought up the bullying and she got offended. She said that she was just telling the truth. I replied that it was okay to talk about this, but at least on a different time and situation. She called me an [a**hole] for invalidating her feelings because it was true that I bullied her. I ended up crying and she walked out,” she continued.
When people saw Jana leave, rumors began spreading that the OP bullied her again.
She reiterated that she understood that she hurt Jana, but she was certain that they moved on from the past. The OP believes it wasn’t the right time or place to bring up the story since they’ve been friends for seven years.
Newsweek reached out to u/Few_Acanthaceae1057 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
Newsweek has published several articles regarding conflicts at weddings including a man leaving his sister’s wedding to go to a gay club, a woman “embarrassing” her in-laws over an argument at a family wedding and a man who brought his children to a “cannabis” wedding.
Can bullies and their victims truly be friends?
Vitto Mendez, Global Cool 2 Be Kind Director and Youth Justice Advocate working with the National Association of People Against Bullying, told Newsweek that bullies tease others to gain a sense of power and control that they lack in other areas of their lives. This comes as a warning sign that there are more serious issues.
“One of the most important things a bully can do is to identify and reach out for help with these underlying issues, and make a commitment to change so that they are authentically making friends through positive connection rather than fear and control. This can be difficult, but we know that it is fully possible for bullies to change,” Mendez wrote.
Things that bullies can do to change is let the victim know that they were wrong for what they did. The bully should also tell their victim that they didn’t deserve it and will no longer tease them.
“Former bullies may want to be conscientious about reaching out to their past victims far into the future to ensure they are not re-creating trauma and are actually reaching out with a genuine apology for the victim rather than purely to resolve their own guilt,” he suggested.
Redditor reactions
“[Not the a**hole] but mad respect for Jana’s long game, not gonna lie,” admitted Defiant-Currency-518, receiving the top comment of over 21,000 upvotes.
U/PJfanRI said, “[Not the a**hole] You were an a**hole in high school for sure, but many of us were and you acknowledge it. You’ve done what you could to show contrition to your friend. If she wanted to talk about it with you or your circle of friends she could have picked any time to do it since you attended university together.”
“She probably picked your wedding day to exact revenge on you. She took one of the happiest days of your life and did what she could to ruin it. In short, you were the a**hole 10 years ago. She is the a**hole today,” the Redditor continued.
“Wow that lady played the long game. But what an [a**hole] thing to do. Especially after you’ve apologized countless times and tried to make it up to her. I don’t think you should stay friends with her. I’m sorry that happened to you cause like, kids are dumb. You shouldn’t be penalized for being a dumb, jealous teenager,” u/Therenza wrote.
“[Not the a**hole]- obviously what you do was wrong, but you’re friends now. If she has unresolved issues over the bullying, a wedding speech is not the time to bring it up,” u/bravenewchurl said.
Has a wedding come between your relationship with a loved one? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
