Can a bride tell her fiance to skip the bachelor party?

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have serious concerns about my fiance attending a bachelor party.

I don’t like the idea of a bunch of guys drinking and making drunk decisions throughout the evening with my future husband there. I don’t think it will end well.

I want my fiance to feel comfortable and to have fun on his last night as a bachelor, but I am afraid of what will happen if a bachelor party takes place. Is it wrong to ask him to not have one? How do I explain my feelings?


DEAR BRIDE TO BE: Bachelor parties are legendary for being nights of debauchery, but truth be told, more often than not they turn out to be simple gatherings with the guys that are loud, drunk and harmless.

Yes, you can express your reservations to your fiance, but you should not give him an ultimatum.

Instead, talk to each other about your shared values. This will probably not be the last time that your partner gets together with his friends to drink and hang out. What parameters do you think there should be on these occasions? What is off limits for him to do? Ask him and talk about it.

Let him know you are concerned about his safety and judgment when he’s drunk. Encourage him to make smart choices if he decides to go through with it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I often find myself shopping online in hopes of finding the designer brands that I adore, but my budget doesn’t allow for the luxury of splurging.

I have been researching dupes of my favorite designer brands and seriously considering buying some. The item descriptions and quality seem almost too good to be true. These sites have received many positive customer reviews, and the ratings make me feel more comfortable about the purchases.

I’m tempted to go for it, but I am also questioning myself — is it socially acceptable? What are the implications of purchasing knockoff luxury goods?

Too Expensive

DEAR TOO EXPENSIVE: I live in New York City, where knockoffs of luxury brands are sold on street corners every day. And, yes, it is illegal.

If you are looking to buy direct knockoffs of designer items, chances are, the company doing the selling is operating illegally. That doesn’t mean that the quality of the items is poor. It means they are plagiarizing another brand’s work. I cannot condone that as it is illegal.

On the other hand, in the fashion industry, designers “borrow” ideas from each other all the time, sometimes directly duplicating items that were created by others. None of that is ethical, but it all is relatively commonplace.

To answer your question as to whether it is socially acceptable, it really depends on the company you keep. In this aspirational environment in which we all live, the desire to have something that is out of reach is so strong that many people find ways to get as close as possible.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.