February 27, 2023
Wedding planning can be stressful and emotional, especially when family members disagree. In this situation, a daughter has approached her mother for financial assistance in planning her dream wedding, but her mother opposes the request.
She believes a cheap wedding is a key to a long-lasting marriage and refuses to help with any expenses. It has caused a rift between the two, leading to the question of who is wrong.
The Family Dinner Party to Plan the Wedding
A 51-year-old mother, who we’ll call Jill, is torn between her desire to support her daughter’s upcoming wedding and her belief that expensive weddings are a recipe for short-lived marriages.
During a family dinner to plan the wedding, she learned that the estimated cost of the event was $40K when she and other relatives were asked to contribute. Jill exclaimed, “My jaw hit the floor!” One of her sisters heard the request, stood up, and left.
Jill expressed her concern, citing her experience as a photographer for many years and observing that the higher the wedding cost, the shorter the marriage tended to last. She encouraged her daughter to have a small and affordable wedding to avoid falling into the “bridezilla” curse.
However, her daughter didn’t take the advice well and cried, accusing her mother of being heartless and unsupportive. After a discussion, Jill discovered that the daughter’s fiancé’s family heavily influenced the wedding cost.
Despite the disagreement, the mother remains divided and worries about hurting her daughter. Some family members, including her sister and older brother, also voiced concern over the cost of the wedding. Her sister said it’s ridiculous to expect their help financially, while her brother said, “He would try to find the money if that’s what she wanted.”
Finally, because Jill and her sister decided not to give the bride-to-be any money for the $40K bill, they have been uninvited from the wedding for failing to contribute and for “not being supportive enough.”
Jill realizes that she may have been partially at fault. However, she also worries that her daughter might make a rash financial decision to have the expensive wedding she desires. Jill can’t control her actions as her daughter is an adult, but she hopes the reason prevails.
What do you think about the situation? She asked the internet for their opinions. Here is how they responded.
Your Daughter Is Entitled
One volunteered, “On what planet do uncles and aunts chip in (significantly) for the wedding?! Your daughter is deluded and entitled!”
Others agreed with this sentiment before a couple of Indians jumped on the thread to explain this is normal in their culture. Another volunteered; it isn’t uncommon for the family to chip in in Mexican culture.
Down Payment on a House
Another person suggested, “$40,000 is a down payment on a house, not the cost of a glorified party: unless your last name is Warbucks, then it’s a fairly ridiculous ask. However, equating that to ‘your marriage won’t last’ is a low blow and wholly unnecessary.
Several other ways you could have chosen to voice your concerns to your daughter. Instead, you attacked the stability and prospective longevity of the relationship she is currently focused on celebrating and cementing?”
Finally, someone shared, “I don’t think those marriages fail due to the expensive wedding. It’s more likely that they fail because the people were getting married for the wrong reasons or because of the personalities of people who tend to want these extravagant weddings.
Convincing your daughter to have a less expensive wedding isn’t going to do anything to change the other two issues (if they exist).
Popular Reading: Bride Refuses Her Stepfather for Father of Bride Role. Was She Wrong?
In analogy, let’s go with the trope that BMW drivers are obnoxious and unemphatic. Does owning a BMW make the driver that way? Or are scrummy drivers more likely to own a BMW than the typical person?”
What do you think? Did this mom have a valid reason for not wanting to foot the bill for her daughter’s expensive wedding, or do you think she should pony up?
This article was inspired by the internet and does not necessarily reflect the views of The Budget Savvy Bride.
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