A Reddit post may have positively affected a future married couple, at least for now.
One man who identified as a 29-year-old male posted that he told his 32-year-old male fiancé that he would not proceed with their wedding if he insisted on inviting his female best friend, Rachel, who he has known since childhood.
The post has been upvoted over 14,000 times in the “Am I The A**Hole” forum, although the body of the post has now been removed.
A viral Reddit post explained that a woman allegedly texted one-half of a gay male couple to be married, making threats that one man believed could ruin their upcoming wedding.
The poster, who self-identified as bisexual, explained that he is not the jealous type and has no issue with his partner spending time with women. He admitted that he also has friends of both genders.
The situation “has been rolling out” for the last five years, the poster said, and he attributed it to Rachel’s competitive spirit and continually trying to prove she is “more important and a bigger priority” to the poster’s fiancé than him.
Rachel reportedly didn’t congratulate the couple when they announced their engagement, going so far as allegedly still calling the poster’s fiancé his “girlfriend.” Rachel was told by both individuals it was disrespectful, so she eventually stopped making such remarks.
“At first my fiancé failed to stand up to her and set boundaries but after a small break we had and after we reconciled he realized the importance of boundaries and set hard boundaries with her,” the poster said. “I know that whenever she sees me or hears about me she’s not happy but we act kind to each other despite our actual feelings.”
But the situation escalated again when the couple started planning their wedding. The poster’s fiancé picked Rachel as one of his groomsmen—a grooms woman in this case. After being asked, Rachel reportedly sent her best friend’s fiancé a lengthy text.
“Just so you know your fiancé and I are still each other’s priority,” the text read. “You may marry him and have kids with him, share a house with him but right now he picked me as a grooms woman knowing how that would bother you because he cares about not hurting my feelings more than your feelings.
“You can’t easily ruin friendships like that,” the text continued. “Just stay in your lane and accept your place. You might be his wife but I’m his best friend and I’m not going anywhere. Make peace with it and who knows soon enough we might get along.”
But when the text was shown to the best friend, he reportedly said he would deal with it and that it shouldn’t be a concern. The fiancé came back with an ultimatum of sorts, to either drop Rachel as a grooms woman or uninvite her altogether. The poster said the ultimatum was based on trust, or a lack thereof, regarding setting “clear limits” before marriage.
In somewhat of a twist, the poster told the fiancé he had written the Reddit post because he solicited unbiased advice from others on the situation. He showed his fiance what he wrote in addition to the 1,000-plus comments.
She will ratchet it up and do who knows what,” one poster said. “She ain’t giving up without a MAJOR fight. She will try anything to break you two up and try to make you miserable. Also likely spread many rumors. Be aware.
After initially being defensive, he became more reflective and thought more about distancing from Rachel. In another update provided by the poster, he said his fiancé decided to uninvite Rachel from the wedding completely and later distance himself from her for good.
When a Redditor told the poster that perhaps Rachel wasn’t wrong when she said his fiancé cared more about her than him, the poster said he agreed and was afraid Rachel was right.
“If she is indeed right about him respecting her feelings and discomfort over my feelings and discomfort and she’s indeed a bigger priority to him then there is no reason for us to get married,” the poster said.
Others said Rachel would play a shadow-like role in their impending marriage, potentially making negative comments about potential children’s names. Not everyone was convinced that disinviting Rachel or telling her to get out of their lives may work to fruition.
“She will ratchet it up and do who knows what,” one poster said. “She ain’t giving up without a MAJOR fight. She will try anything to break you two up and try to make you miserable. Also likely spread many rumors. Be aware.”
In 2018, the website Best Life cited a survey by specialist diamond buyers WP Diamonds that polled 1,000 people between the ages of 20 and 60 in the United States, finding:
- Approximately 20 percent of all engagements are called off before the wedding.
- About 82.7 percent of those surveyed didn’t regret calling it off.
- Only about 7.6 percent blamed themselves for reaching that point.
- About 40 percent of people either blamed the other person or evenly blamed both parties.
Reasons cited for wedding cancellations included pressure to get married, cheating partners, hastily made decisions, and not knowing a partner as much as previously thought.
Eventsured, which provides event insurance for events like weddings, said there are over 115,000 weddings per day worldwide and that they normally follow engagement periods between 12 and 18 months.
With that many weddings per day in this time of technology, one wedding planner revealed the “most effective” way to ensure a no-phone ceremony.
Other wedding planners gave tips on how to properly tell your friends they aren’t invited to your wedding.
Newsweek reached out to the Reddit poster for comment.