Internet commenters were quick to call out one soon-to-be married man who revealed why his half-brother refuses to attend his wedding.
In a viral Reddit post published on the r/AmITheA**hole forum, Redditor u/throwawayaccount_302 (otherwise referred to as the original poster, or OP) said his fiancee had multiple run-ins with one of his brother’s friends in the past and detailed the heated aftermath of his rejected invitation.
Titled, “[Am I the a**hole] for going off at my brother because he said he won’t attend my wedding?” the since-deleted post has received nearly 5,000 upvotes and 3,000 comments since October 13.
“I’m…engaged to Jen,” OP began. “We’ve been together 3 years and she’s amazing, but she has a bit of a rocky past.”
Continuing to explain that his fiancee and her group of college peers were bullies, the original poster said their favorite target was “Liz,” a friend of his brother’s.
The original poster also said that his brother “John” is well aware of the bullying, and “can’t stand” his fiancee as a result.
“Jen obviously is remorseful,” OP wrote. “They [were] young and acted out of jealousy.
“We’ve all tried to get John to understand but he doesn’t want to hear anything,” OP continued. “The invitations for our wedding went out recently and John [RSVPd] no.
“I’ll admit I went off a little bit,” OP added. “I said this was years ago and it’s all water under the bridge [and that] he hasn’t even tried to get to know Jen and he’s creating issues within his own family over a ‘friend.'”
Although wedding rings, gowns and photos of a couple’s special day keep memories alive for a lifetime, the perfect guest list is what makes a wedding worth remembering.
“Choosing who to invite to your wedding is a deeply personal thing,” wedding planner Amy Nichols told Newsweek.
By centering their guest list around their closest family members and loved ones, marrying couples are able to celebrate their love and newly formed union surrounded by those they care about most.
But that care isn’t always reciprocated and, in some cases, existing familial tension prevents couples from celebrating how they would like—especially when that tension exists between siblings.
Unlike in adolescence, when spats between siblings are solved more easily, adult conflicts are often deeply rooted, and past the point of simple resolution.
“When trouble arises for siblings in adulthood, it can be much more difficult to repair, as they may no longer have parental buffers or trusted individuals that can help facilitate conversations and promote forgiveness,” Lena Suarez-Angelino, licensed clinical social worker and ChoosingTherapy.com expert, told Newsweek.
“As adults, there is more opportunity to say things with the intention to be hurtful,” Suarez-Angelino added. “The words used as an adult are often crafted in a way that feels a lot harder to move past…making it that much harder to forgive and repair.”
Man confronting brother about rejected wedding invitation. Members of Reddit’s r/AmITheA**hole forum were infuriated after one man explained why his half-brother refuses to attend his wedding.
JackF/iStock / Getty Images Plus
In the case of the original poster, however, it is a lack of words that is the issue.
His brother knows about the way the OP’s fiancee acted in the past, and doesn’t want to have a conversation about it, or be involved with the couple at all.
Throughout the comment section of the viral Reddit post, many Redditors commended the original poster’s brother for standing up against bullying, slamming OP for minimizing his fiancee’s past transgressions in the process.
“[You’re the a**hole],” Redditor u/superjudy1 wrote in the post’s top comment, which has received more than 18,500 upvotes. “Jen was a bully in college.
“Not only [is that] not so long ago, but she would have been old enough to know better,” they continued. “Your brother can decide not to associate with her.”
Redditor u/gracemrubyroses, whose comment has received nearly 7,000 upvotes, offered a similar perspective.
“College bullies?” they questioned. “So basically adults…if he’s going so far as to not go to your wedding, I can only imagine the extent of the bullying here.”
“Jen bullied Liz in college, when Jen was an adult,” Redditor u/RowenaStarr13 added, receiving nearly 2,000 upvotes. “Your brother doesn’t see Jen as ‘family’ so of course he’s going to choose his friend.”
“I especially like OP saying ‘it’s all water under the bridge now.’ Like, who are you to decide that?,” Redditor u/MBDH0610 chimed in. “The fiancé of the bully doesn’t really get to decide when the victim should get over it.”
Newsweek has reached out to u/throwawayaccount_302 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
Has a wedding come between your relationship with a loved one? Let us know via firstname.lastname@example.org. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.