DEAR DEIDRE: I SAW my best man with his hand up my new wife’s wedding dress.
Stumbling upstairs in the hotel where we got married, it took me a while to find our bedroom and when I got in, I was obviously interrupting quite a moment.
I am now refusing to take calls from my best man after the incident
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My wife was laid back on the bed laughing and my best friend was reaching up inside her gown.
They looked so shocked to see me standing next to them and came up with some nonsense story about my wife’s garter cutting into her. My best friend was “helping her get the garter off”.
I’m 28, she’s 27 and my best friend is 29.
I stormed off and ended up passing out at the bar. The next morning I woke up to find myself undressed and back in the bridal suite bed.
My wife told me I was in such a state that four friends had to carry me to bed. She wasn’t very impressed and really went at me for my “embarrassing behaviour”.
She properly laid into me about my drinking and warned me our marriage would be the shortest in history if I didn’t cut back on the boozing. There was no apology for her behaviour and she refused to discuss what I’d seen.
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I’ve told her she has a cheek after my discovery but she’s adamant nothing has happened between them and that they were just messing around.
I’ve been avoiding my best friend and feel so let down by him. He’s been calling me but so far I’ve ignored him.
I listened to one message where he apologised for “taking liberties” and blamed the amount he’d had to drink, saying he never would have touched her if he hadn’t been so drunk.
DEIDRE SAYS: Your new wife and best friend may have been messing around, but what they were doing was completely inappropriate and could very easily have led to more if you hadn’t arrived.
So far your wife hasn’t apologised and is laying all the blame at your door.
She has made such a fuss about your drinking to deflect attention from her own behaviour.
Be firm – even if you were drunk, that doesn’t excuse any cheating.
But if you are drinking so much you regularly pass out, then you also need to think about how your boozing is affecting you and your relationship.
In a quiet moment, sit down with your wife and explain you want to make your marriage work.
Ask her what improvements she needs and this is your opportunity to tell her what changes you also need.
Make it clear if you ever find her in such a compromising position again you’ll see that as the end of your marriage.
Contact wearewithyou.org.uk, which offers free, confidential help through local centres for those with drinking issues.