My grandma will ruin my cousin’s wedding. Help!


Toddler steals the show when he realizes his mom is the bride!

Kirstie Mihelich and her two-year-old son Pierson shared an adorable moment during her wedding in Bloomfield, Michigan.

Humankind, USA TODAY

Question: “Am I wrong for asking my grandmother not to come to my cousin’s wedding? 

My grandparents on my mother’s side were married for 20 years before they got divorced. They both eventually remarried. While it’s been almost 29 years since their divorce, my grandma likes to cause drama and gets jealous easily, which makes things difficult on holidays and at special events. 

To avoid conflict, we usually don’t have events where my grandmother and grandfather have to be together. My grandma is so rude to my grandpa’s wife and even likes to talk about her in front of her.

My cousin on my grandfather’s side is now about to be remarried, and the wedding is in a little mountain town with a select few guests. While my grandmother has kept in touch with some of my grandfather’s relatives, she doesn’t make it a point to see or talk to them besides on social media. Somehow, she’s managed to invite herself to the wedding and is insisting on coming – even though it is four hours away from her house. 

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There are no hotels to stay at because it’s a very remote wedding, and my grandfather is already staying with my family. My mother tried to talk her out of it, which caused a huge fight and now my mother and sister aren’t speaking to my grandma. As the family peacekeeper, I reached out to her to ask her not to come, but she ignored my advice and is now refusing to talk to me too. Her husband (my step-grandpa) keeps saying I’m in the wrong and that my aunt invited her in a text. My aunt said they’re inviting “a very, very small selection of special guests” and it’s “your call if you want to go,” which to me says “you weren’t invited but If you want to come it’s OK.” I’d rather my grandma not go and cause drama. While I still feel it would be inappropriate and awkward for her to go, I’m now wondering if I was wrong to ask her not to.”

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Answer: “It sounds like you’re about to be in for a very interesting time at your cousin’s wedding, and I just hope the day is as drama-free as possible.

I don’t think you are necessarily wrong for asking your grandma not to come to your cousin’s wedding, but you may have overstepped and inserted yourself into an issue that wasn’t really your problem. That being said, you had good intentions at heart and were trying to make everyone as comfortable as possible.

This may be one of those times where you have to heed the old expression, “Not my circus, not my monkeys,” meaning that if it’s not your messy situation, it’s best to not involve yourself. (And this situation is definitely messy.)

Maybe your grandma has a fear of missing out, she’s excited your aunt invited her, or she just loves to stir the pot from time to time. Either way, the rock is already rolling down the hill and she’s coming.

Your aunt or cousin easily could have given her a reason as to why she can’t come, but based on the fact this hasn’t happened, it appears they’re OK with her attendance.

Have you had a conversation with your cousin to see how they feel about this situation? It is their wedding at the end of the day, and their wants are what’s most important here. Also your grandma and grandpa were married for 20 years, which means that your aunt was her part of her family for 20 years as well. It could very well be true that they’re close and have a relationship that you just haven’t been able to observe, and that’s why she was invited. It’s unfortunate your grandma bullies your grandpa’s wife, and hopefully your grandpa can address these behaviors in the moment and establish boundaries for himself.

Playing the peacekeeper is a difficult role, but remember to try to enjoy yourself at your cousin’s wedding. 

Wishing you the best, 


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