An anonymous woman on Reddit is asking for advice after she apparently reduced her future sister-in-law to a puddle of tears. According to her post in the subreddit “Am I the A**hole?”, she never meant to hurt her SIL’s feelings, but due to the circumstances, she feels it was nearly unavoidable.
On Monday, Reddit user u/Justflyinby posted the story along with some context first.
“My brother is getting married in May,” the woman explained, adding that the two “aren’t super close” and haven’t been for years.
In fact, the poster moved to another state more than 13 years ago, where she settled down and got married. But in that time, her brother has never once made a move to visit her or meet her husband in person. The only time they even cross paths is when the poster goes home to visit her grandmother and sometimes runs into her brother.
Because of this, she’s met her brother’s now-fiancee a few times, though their interactions have been pretty minimal.
On the one hand, the poster says the fiancee seems “perfect” for her brother, and she’s happy to see them both happy. On the other hand, the woman seems to be a stark contrast to the poster.
“She is fine, but we are just very different people with very different lives and priorities,” the poster continued. “She is very high maintenance, and is ALL about her ‘dream wedding’ and being the princess. It’s all she talks about, and has been since they got engaged.”
The problems between the two women didn’t actually start until recently when the brother’s fiancee asked her soon-to-be SIL to be a bridesmaid. The question took her a bit by surprise.
“Weddings are really, REALLY not my thing,” the poster explained, adding that her marriage took place in her kitchen by “some lady we found on the internet two days prior. But not wanting to upset her brother’s fiancee, she initially said yes.
“It seemed important to her and I figured it would mean a lot to my brother, so I put on my helpful hat and jumped into the group chats and whatnot,” the Reddit poster said.
Almost immediately, she regretted that decision.
“The group chats never stop … like, ever …,” the woman confessed. And apparently, neither do the nonstop demands. “I am expected to fly down for dress shopping and other important bridesmaids duties (including rehearsing a flash mob dance … FML).”
Then, as the months passed, the poster got some news: She was pregnant.
“After everyone found out, [my] SIL called me and told me the bridesmaids dresses she wanted to use for the wedding were going to be very form-fitting and I ‘probably wouldn’t be comfortable being pregnant and all,’” the poster recalled.
It sure seemed like fate had intervened, and she wouldn’t have to play bridesmaid after all.
In fact, her SIL actually told her she was “no longer needed for the wedding party” since the change in circumstances, and there seemed to be no hard feelings.
But before she could silently celebrate, her SIL assured her not to worry — she could still help with all the bridesmaids’ duties! Apparently, this is when the poster decided she couldn’t hold her tongue any longer.
“As she was going on about how I would still be an ‘honorary bridesmaid’ and I could still help with planning and the showers and the bachelorette party and all that, I cut her off … and said, ‘Look, honestly, I really didn’t want to be in the wedding in the first place, so I’m actually relieved I don’t have to deal with it anymore,’” she recalled.
“Apparently, that upset her and made her cry, which led to an angry call from my brother, who is saying if I don’t apologize to her I am not invited to the wedding,” she went on. “I am considering not apologizing and not having to travel to be at the wedding at this point.”
Clearly, the whole thing has turned into an awkward mess, which is why the poster can’t stop thinking about it. But considering the backstory here, she still wonders if she was really in the wrong.
In response to her post, hundreds of people flooded the comments section to weigh in. And, for the most part, a lot of people sided with the poster, reassuring her that she was “NTA” (Not The A**hole) in this story.
“NTA. I can’t imagine anything worse than being involved in such an enormous pantomime,” one person wrote. Save your money, enjoy your pregnancy and be eternally grateful you won’t have to get involved. It sounds like such a trial for the bridesmaids.”
“Sounds like you were very supportive and then your SIL tossed you aside because you were pregnant,” another person told her. “She sounds like a handful. And then wants you to do the work anyway. Don’t apologize unless she apologizes for treating you poorly because you’re pregnant.”
“She kicked you out as a bridesmaid for being pregnant,” someone else pointed out. “That’s messed up. She deserved it.”
In the end, they suggested the poster respond with a simple “I’m sorry” to lighten the tension and to be the bigger person ultimately.
As of this article’s publishing date, it remains unclear how — if at all — the poster will respond since she hasn’t updated the thread with her decision. But one thing’s for sure: These “not-super-close” siblings will probably never really see eye-to-eye at the end of the day, so smoothing things over for the sake of moving on may be the best way to go.
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