A bridesmaid received online support after sharing in a now-viral post that she’s thinking about skipping her brother’s wedding because she can’t get anyone to tell her what color dress to order for the ceremony.
Posting in Reddit’s “Am I The A**hole” forum under the username u/Educational-Leg1046, the bridesmaid said she’s reached out several times inquiring about the bridesmaid dress specifications, to no avail. Now, she’s being scolded for not having a dress, yet the bride still won’t tell her what color to order.
The post has amassed more than 19,000 upvotes and over 2,600 comments from Redditors who agreed the bridesmaid should drop out of the bridal party, which, according to some experts, is a perfectly okay thing to do.
In her post, the bridesmaid, a med student, said she lives across the country from her brother and his fiancée.
A bridesmaid received online support after sharing that she’s thinking of skipping her brother’s wedding over some dress drama. “I can’t tell if I’m being purposefully excluded,” the bridesmaid said in the post.
“I was surprised when his fiancé [sic] asked me to be a bridesmaid because I barely know her, but she wants to have all siblings in the wedding,” she said. “I made it clear that their wedding was during my final exam week, and…wouldn’t be able to help much with planning or be present at things like a bachelorette party/bridal shower.”
The bride assured u/Educational-Leg1046 that this was okay, and proceeded to put her in a group chat with all the other bridesmaids, so they could all talk about bridesmaid dresses, etc.
“Links were sent with three styles [of dress] to choose from and we would be updated on colors later. So a couple of weeks go by and I ask what color to order, bride says she’s still thinking about it. Couple more weeks go by and she’s still thinking…then a couple more weeks. You get the idea,” u/Educational-Leg1046.
“Now it’s at the point that if I don’t order this dress in a couple of days it won’t be here in time. So I ask on Saturday what color. No response in the group chat to me,” u/Educational-Leg1046 continued.
When she inquired again on Sunday, she was scolded by some of the other bridesmaids, who said she was causing the bride “intense anxiety” by not having a dress yet. But when she asked them what color dress to order, they ignored her again.
“I can’t tell if I’m being purposefully excluded,” she said.
Finally, she called her mother, who said the bridesmaid dresses were lavender, only, “lavender” isn’t a color option on the dress website. When she texted the maid of honor for the exact shade, the maid of honor said she “didn’t remember” the shade name.
Frustrated, she called her brother, “the one not getting married,” and discovered that he was facing similar treatment from the groomsmen.
Now, both siblings are thinking about dropping out of the wedding party and skipping their brother’s big day.
According to Brides, it’s perfectly fine to “quit being a bridesmaid.”
“After saying ‘I do’ to taking on the role of being a bridesmaid, you may start to realize that being part of the bride’s wedding squad is just something you’re not comfortable doing,” the publication said. “[I]t’s OK to let the bride know you’d like to step away from being a bridesmaid and just be a wedding guest instead.”
When stepping down from a bridesmaid position, Brides said it’s best to be “transparent.”
“Regardless of what it is, confess your reasoning so that the bride feels as though you are being as transparent as possible with the decision that you’ve made,” Brides advised. “If the reason you don’t want to be a bridesmaid anymore is because there’s a rift in the friendship, try to save that drama for after the wedding.”
Many Redditors encouraged u/Educational-Leg1046 to drop out of her bridal party, accusing her sister-in-law of acting like a bridezilla.
“I don’t understand why they can’t just tell you what color to order? This is weird,” said u/Suitable-Cod-1381.
“NTA [not the a**hole]. Sounds like she doesn’t really want you and is possibly a bridezilla…It really seems bizarre that NO ONE can or will tell you the color of the dress,” wrote u/Independent-Top3524. “I would ask in the group chat. If you don’t get a response with the actual answer after 24 hours, politely bow out of the ceremony and tell them you can’t wait to see them at the wedding.”
“[I]t sounds like they are setting you up to fail on purpose for some reason. I would send a group text to EVERYONE (Mother, brother, sister, future SIL) explaining that NO ONE is communicating with you and therefore you are done,” wrote u/RogueInsanity90.
Redditor u/Swifty-Dog added: “NTA. The repeated lack of communication sounds to me at best like they have major communication issues, which will result in the wedding likely being a very stressful affair for the bridal party. At worst, it sounds like they are intentionally setting you up to fail…I really think you should bow out of the bridal party now.”
Newsweek has reached out to u/Educational-Leg1046 for comment.
Other posters to go viral for sharing bridal drama include a bride-to-be who refused to cancel her wedding following her sister-in-law’s divorce, a bride who banned her sister-in-law from her wedding for being too pretty, and a bridesmaid who said she was asked to change her hair color ahead of her sister’s big day.