A woman has asked Reddit if she is the a****** for wanting her sister to walk her down the aisle on her wedding day, despite protests from her fiancé and his family.
In the post, the 23-year-old Reddit user going by the name of nosleepbeauty explains that she never met her father, and her mother died from an overdose when she was 10 and her half-sister was 19 (now 32). She said her sister’s father refused to support her, resulting in her older sister choosing to become her legal guardian. “In order to raise me she gave up a lot, her relationship with her father, college, her 20s, and so much more,” she explains.
After getting engaged a few months ago, the Reddit user asked her sister to be her maid of honor, as well as walk her down the aisle.
A stock image of a woman looking at a wedding ring contemplating whether she’s making the right decision. A woman on Reddit has asked for advice after her fiancé and his family are refusing to allow her sister who raised her to walk her down the aisle. dragana991/Getty Images
“All my life she’s had to fulfil so many roles for me—big sister, mother, father, friend—that it only felt right that those multiple roles be honored on one of the biggest days of my life” she said in the post. “My sister was ecstatic and so was I, but when I brought it up with my fiancé he objected.”
She explains that her future in-laws are “very traditional” and objected to her sister having two roles in the wedding, and were expecting the father-in-law to walk her down the aisle. She says she defended her decision, much to the displeasure of her in-laws and fiancé, and writes that her sister has even offered to step down to avoid any unnecessary drama.
A 2022 survey, conducted by OnePoll on behalf of design marketplace Minted, found that almost one in three (28 percent) feel that pleasing all family members is a big dilemma when planning a wedding. The survey also found that 43 percent fear that some members will be upset without a traditional celebration.
“So now it’s just me holding out and being stubborn,” she concludes. “But I really don’t want to concede on this point. Am I being the AH?”
Newsweek spoke to Zoe Burke, leading wedding expert and editor of Hitched.co.uk about wedding traditions, who said: “Wedding planning is all about compromise and teamwork a lot of the time—but it all needs to be rooted in respect. Everyone is going to have their ideas about how certain things should be done, and it’s fine to disagree with your partner or in-laws on these points, but any conversation needs to be done in a civilized, respectful manner.
“When you’re bringing two families together from different backgrounds and with differing views on traditions, it’s important to let everyone have their say, but you should never feel like you have to do anything that the two of you don’t want to do—even if you’re not footing the bill yourselves.
“To insist on having certain elements go the way you want simply because you’re paying for a large portion of the day is something akin to blackmail. Will the in-laws refuse to pay if they don’t get their own way? What else will they feel they can dictate simply because they have agreed to pay for part of their son’s big day?
“At the end of the day, a wedding day is a personal event, and something that really only the couple involved should have a final say in. Wedding traditions are there to be broken—there is nothing you ‘have’ to do on your wedding day, so don’t be afraid to go against tradition to make the day totally personal to you.”
Despite protestations from the in-laws and fiancé, Reddit users voted the bride “not the a******.”
“His opposition to your sister walking you down the aisle seems a bit misogynistic,” said one user.
While another, litt3lli0n, said: “Masculinity is a form of misogyny, as well as his reaction to your sister walking you down the aisle. Don’t kid yourself or excuse this behavior.”
a2b2021 said of the older sister: “She sounds absolutely incredible and well deserving of the honor of walking you down the aisle, NTA in the slightest.”
And lavender_lemonades advised: “Your sister is trying to keep the peace. Don’t back down. Their ‘tradition’ is not yours, and THEY need to compromise and accept that. NTA.”
Newsweek has reached out to nosleepbeauty via Reddit.
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