Internet commenters were outraged after one expecting mother explained how an untimely pregnancy announcement left her future sister-in-law on the outside looking in.
In a viral Reddit post published on r/AmITheA******, Redditor u/maleficent8080 (otherwise referred to as the original poster, or OP) said she had concealed her pregnancy for weeks—from everybody but one person: her fiancé’s sister.
Titled, “[Am I the a******] for uninviting my future sister-in-law from my wedding after she told my fiancé I was pregnant?” the post has received nearly 14,000 upvotes and 5,500 comments in the last day.
“I decided to keep my pregnancy to myself because I don’t know what to do about it, and I knew my fiancé wasn’t going to be happy,” OP began.
Continuing to explain that her fiancé’s sister doubles as her best friend, OP said she took a pregnancy test at her future sister-in-law’s home, and was advised to tell her fiancé she was expecting immediately.
However, OP disagreed, complicating the situation considerably.
“We kept arguing over it because I told her I needed time to process it and she felt like I was making excuses to avoid telling him,” OP wrote. “In the end, she told him herself while we were having dinner with their family.
“He was so upset he confronted me in front of everybody so now they all know and everybody is upset with me for keeping it from him,” OP continued. “His sister kept trying to reach out…her only excuse was that he was her brother so she couldn’t keep it from him and that she gave me [three] weeks.
“I uninvited her from [our] wedding and told her I would find a new bridesmaid,” OP added. “I’ve refused to let her come to the wedding, even as a regular guest, despite [their] family asking me to.”
Despite the excitement associated with having children, newly-expectant couples are often overwhelmed by the idea of becoming parents.
This anxiety, combined with the potential for early complications, can keep couples from announcing they are pregnant for the entire first trimester.
“There’s such volatility, especially when you first get pregnant,” psychologist Michelle Maidenberg, Ph.D., MPH, told Newsweek. “There’s such vulnerability…
“Some people feel really scared…they don’t want to attach to the idea, because then they’ll be disappointed if something bad happens,” Maidenberg added.
Woman and future sister-in-law with pregnancy test. Members of Reddit’s r/AmITheA****** forum failed to understand why one expecting mother kept her pregnancy from her fiancé for three weeks.
JackF/iStock / Getty Images Plus
When the time comes to announce a pregnancy to family and friends, there are countless fun and spontaneous ideas strewn across family websites, parenting forums and social media.
The internet is also rife with ideas for expecting mothers who wish to surprise their partners with the news that they, too, will be a parent in a matter of months.
Less common, however, are ideas for expecting mothers hesitant to inform their partner they are pregnant.
“You just have to be sensitive about it,” Maidenberg said. “If somebody’s having trouble seeing eye-to-eye, you’re not going to do it in this…kind of spontaneous, celebratory way.”
She also asserted that mothers wanting to keep their pregnancies to themselves should do exactly that.
“When it’s off your lips, it’s no longer secret,” she said. “Once it’s out, it’s out.
“Three weeks is a really long time to hold on to that kind of information,” she added, commenting on the viral post. “Especially if there were some issues with the reason why she was holding back.”
Throughout the viral post’s comment section, many Redditors took a similar stance, questioning why OP had refused to tell her fiancé she was pregnant and why, considering that refusal, she is comfortable marrying him.
“Please explain why y’all are getting married if you can’t even tell him you’re pregnant?” Redditor u/Impossible-Luck1734 wrote in the post’s top comment, which has received nearly 52,000 upvotes.
“I was wondering if they are even ready to get married if they can’t have that conversation,” Redditor u/Ducky818 added, receiving nearly 15,000 upvotes.
In a separate comment, which has received nearly 3,000 upvotes, Redditor u/Downtown_Ad28 offered a similar response.
“Why are you marrying a man if you don’t want to tell him [you’re] expecting?” they wrote. “He’s the father and you soon-to-be husband…it affects both of your lives forever.”
“[Three] weeks is insanely long,” Redditor u/Generaless chimed in, redirecting focus to the original poster’s sister-in-law. “As his sister she felt she needed to tell him the truth about HIS potential child.”
Newsweek reached out to u/maleficent8080 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
If you have a similar family dilemma, let us know via email@example.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.