The internet has praised a father who stormed out of his sister’s wedding after she deadnamed his son, something considered highly offensive among transgender people.
In a post shared on Reddit’s popular Am I The A**hole page, which can be seen here, user u/Dadofthree explained he was a single father with three sons, one of whom is Connor, 15, who was born female and came out as transgender five years ago.
The dad, 45, added he and his sons had been invited to his 35-year-old sister’s wedding and said she was “pretty indifferent” about Connor’s transition.
He added: “Her wedding was super well organized to the last detail. She wanted all the men to wear shirts and ties and the women, sundresses.
A stock image of a man leaving a bride. The dad was praised online.
“I texted her a picture of our outfits the day before the wedding, and she said, “where’s Nia’s dress?” I was a bit surprised and told her not to deadname my son and that he’ll be wearing a shirt and tie like the rest of [the] rest of men there or we aren’t coming. She said ‘fine’ and that was it.
“At the reception, my sister got mad that Conor was wearing a tie, but didn’t say much after that. When we sat down at our table, the card said ‘Nia’. I went to my sister and she said she used ‘their real name.’
“I told her me and the boys are leaving and she told me ‘don’t you dare cause a scene at my wedding, Nia can be a guy any other day’. I called her a bigot and we left. My family says I ruined her wedding.”
According to the Cleaveland Clinic’s Child and adolescent psychiatrist, Dr. Jason Lambrese, deadnaming is when someone uses a person’s name that they no longer use.
He added: “Sometimes people are trying to catch up but they’re struggling. And some people are not trying to catch up at all. That’s an important distinction to make.
“For family members who have known somebody by one name for so many years, it’s challenging to switch over immediately because our brains automatically associate a name and a pronoun with a person. So we don’t have to think about what someone’s name is because it comes to us automatically.”
Dr. Lambrese said purposefully deadnaming a transgender person can be a “very stressful and traumatic experience.”
He continued: “It can remind them (transgender people) of that period in their lives before they could take steps to affirm who they are.
“Deadnaming might bring them back into those more negative times in their lives. And often, that gender dysphoria (distress that comes from one’s sex assigned at birth not lining up with their true gender identity) can be associated with depression and anxiety.”
Since the post was shared on Sunday, June 26, it has attracted more than 17,300 upvotes and many people supported the dad in the comments section.
One Reddit user said: “He can be a man any other day? What a ridiculous thing to say. Well, sister theoretically could be an AH (a**hole) any other day too yet here we are. NTA (not the a**hole). Good on you for standing up to her in support of your son.”
Another added: “With an attitude like that I’m sure the sister will be a bride again before long, so ‘ruining’ this wedding was no big issue.”
A third commented: “Connor is a man every day. Went to bed yesterday a man, woke up today a man. No one is calling into question whether or not Connor is a man except for the sister and the only one making a scene of it is the sister.
“All she needs to do today, as she should be every day, is showing Connor a modicum of respect and not dead naming him.”
Newsweek has contacted u/Dadofthree for comment.