Internet Defends Woman Refusing to Do Cancer-Free Sister’s Hair for Wedding

The internet has defended a woman who refused to help her sister, who is recently cancer-free, with her hair for her wedding in a new viral post.

Submitted to Reddit’s infamous r/AmITheA**hole forum, a woman under the anonymous username u/PermitDefiant6666 posed the question, “[Am I The A**hole] for refusing to do my sisters hair for her wedding after she survived cancer?” She has received over 11,000 upvotes and 1,400 comments since her story was posted.

The Redditor began her story by explaining that her sister had recently finished treatment for cancer and her hair has been affected by it severely. Instead of getting it done at a hair salon, she wanted the original poster (OP) to style it for her. The OP refused to help her sister and has since created “mixed opinions” with family members.

According to the National Cancer Institute, as of 2019, there have been about 16.9 million cancer survivors. It is estimated that there will be a 31 percent increase to 22.2 million survivors in 2030.

The internet has come to the defense of a woman for refusing to do her cancer-free sister’s hair for her wedding.
AntonioGuillem/iStock / Getty Images Plus

The Reddit user explained her reasonings for saying no due to the rocky relationship she has with her sister. When the OP was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and stayed home with her older brothers instead of attending her sister’s best friend’s funeral. Her sister was upset with them because of their absence. The OP explained that the best friend was rude to her since she was a kid and felt no grief.

“My sister told me she wished it had been me who died instead of her best friend, because at least her best friend would have cared,” u/PermitDefiant6666 wrote.

Another example was when the OP heard rumors her sister’s then-boyfriend had cheated on her, but didn’t talk to her about it since they didn’t really have a relationship. The sister got upset that the OP didn’t tell her she heard rumors and that she doesn’t care about the events in her sister’s life.

“We kinda patched things up after not living together for a couple of years. We weren’t close, but that’s to be expected I would imagine. When our oldest brother got married our SIL asked us both to be bridesmaids and asked if I could do her hair (I’m a hairstylist). She got really jealous of the fact our SIL spent more time with me, and that I was more involved than she was,” she wrote.

“She ended up mocking me for being so quiet and saying I must be a terrible stylist because everyone knows you go to chat to the stylist as much as to get your hair done, and I can hardly hold a conversation. Our brother was so furious with her that he almost kicked her out of the wedding party. It was then that I sort of detached from her entirely,” she continued.

She explains that she understands how “vulnerable” her sister can be after battling cancer, but their past led OP to say no.

“She has treated me badly for things I cannot control and has hurt me in some really big ways,” she said.

Redditors who follow the subreddit were quick to comment in defense of the OP.

“Overlook her sickness & focus on how’s she’s treated you in the past. would you accept this treatment from a client? i would say no. family doesn’t get a get out of jail free card to run us over & then try to be our bffs when they need their hair done. do what is best for your health,” u/SKIDADDLEGETOUTTA wrote.

“[Not the A**hole],” u/ClothesQueasy2828 said, “It sounds like however you do her hair she’ll hate it.”

U/formerlythere exclaimed, “[Not the A**hole]. She asked, you answered. End of story. She cannot command you to do her hair, and frankly, based on your history, I’m shocked she would ask you!”

“Yeah you’re not the one she feels most comfortable with, you’re the only one who could be manipulated into doing her hair for free. After hearing how Rocky your relationship is and how she literally said she wanted you dead I’m pretty sure this is just about saving money,” said u/Negative-Swordfish-9.

Newsweek reached out to u/PermitDefiant6666 for comment.