Members of a popular internet forum rallied behind one recently married woman who invited only some of her nieces and nephews to her wedding.
In a viral Reddit post published on r/AmITheA******, Redditor u/Bright_Physics_8375 (otherwise referred to as the original poster, or OP) said her nuptials were not child-free but revealed how including all of her sister’s family would have driven wedding costs through the roof.
Titled, “[Am I the a******] for only inviting some of my sister’s children to my wedding?” the post has received nearly 6,500 upvotes and 1,500 comments since October 24.
“My older sister ‘Dawn’ has ten children,” OP began. “Dawn and her husband…believe that having lots of children is God’s will.”
Continuing to explain that inviting all 10 of her nieces and nephews would have cost a significant amount of money, and that she and her now-husband were paying for the wedding themselves. The original poster said she made the decision to only invite her sister’s three oldest children.
The original poster added that her sister took great offense to seven of her children being excluded, and has continued the issue for months after the wedding.
“[She] accused me of being a bridezilla and thinking I’m too good for her and her family,” OP wrote. “Dawn, her husband and three eldest did come to the wedding, but with other family members bringing small children, everyone was asking her…why not all of their kids were there.
“Dawn has been very off around me lately,” OP added. “She told me she ‘understands how I feel about her babies’ and said that I’m a bad sister and a terrible aunt, and has accused me of not respecting her religion and lifestyle.”
Despite their main purpose—to celebrate the union of two loving partners—weddings often teeter on the border between celebration and contention.
And while choosing a venue, catering company and all-exclusive wedding party has the potential to cause tension, constructing the perfect guest list is almost guaranteed to irritate somebody, especially when children are involved.
Although some parents view child-free weddings as an opportunity to let loose, others find them insulting and inconvenient.
But most couples are clear about their expectations, informing parents of attendance policies regarding children early in the planning process in order to avoid any confusion.
Alexis Eliopoulos O’Mara, master wedding consultant and owner of Unique Weddings by Alexis, told Newsweek that clarity is crucial in situations like these, and that marrying couples must invite all of the children, or no children at all.
“This one is pretty simple,” she said. “I would advise a couple to invite all or none of the children in a family to keep things consistent.
“The only time it is considered OK to invite some children and not others is typically when the children who are invited are part of the wedding party,” she added. “Then it’s easy for a couple to say no children invited other than those participating in the wedding.”
Eliopoulos O’Mara also told Newsweek that in some scenarios, couples invite all family children over a certain age and none younger, but warned that any picking and choosing can have a detrimental effect on familial relationships.
Bride stressed over sister’s 10 children. Members of Reddit’s r/AmITheA****** forum defended one bride who couldn’t afford to invite all 10 of her nieces and nephews to her wedding.
Wavebreakmedia/iStock / Getty Images Plus
Throughout the comment section of the viral Reddit post, however, many Redditors sided with the original poster’s decision to limit the number of kids at her wedding, and defending her reasoning for it.
“If your sister was so upset she could’ve offered to contribute towards the costs,” Redditor u/GreenRedCrescent wrote in the post’s top comment, which has received more than 14,000 upvotes.
“A consequence of having a load of kids is that people aren’t going to want to cater to all of them at events because it is a big cost,” they added.
Redditor u/dont_know2345, whose comment has received nearly 5,000 upvotes, echoed that sentiment.
“She literally said it wasn’t in the budget for 10 kids plus 2 adults,” they wrote. “That’s a family of 12.”
“You didn’t say no kids, you said no to 12 people,” Redditor u/Bambie-Rizzo agreed, receiving more than 2,000 upvotes.
“10 plus-ones are a lot,” Redditor u/ParsimoniusSalad chimed in. “You could have asked your sister to contribute to the cost if she wanted them all there, but otherwise I think your decision was fine.
“It was YOUR wedding, after all,” they added.
Newsweek has reached out to u/Bright_Physics_8375 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
Has a wedding come between your relationship with a loved one? Let us know via email@example.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.